Sister

Darling Sister,

It’s about time I wrote this, isn’t it? It is about time I let you in on this. I am so nervous about it … I shouldn’t be, though, right?

Imagining losing you somewhere on this road makes my tummy hurt, but at the same time, I am so sure it is impossible to lose you. You are my sister, if not by blood, by everything else you are. And I am eternally grateful that the universe saw fit to put us in the same place at the same in this lifetime.

It is so hard to put into words what you mean to me. You feel like family, like family should feel. Close, intimate, complicated, bound by something… more.

I love you so much, and just like family I don’t say that enough, not even close.

We don’t talk nearly enough either; life is busy. But I know for certain that no amount of time passing will ever change how this bond between us feels to me. Precious, dear, familiar. You could rock up at my door 20 silent years from now and I’d take you in no questions asked, give you my bed and last shirt for that matter. No amount of time will change that as soon as we are in the same room I just want to sit there, be there and present with you, and talk the night away. No amount of time will change that I feel you know me, see me. That is a gift you have given me for longer than I am aware of and it humbles me.

I still want to put my head in your lap and have you pat my head, and I know as soon as I find a way to let that last shield down I know you’ll be there.

I don’t tell you enough how amazing you are, and you are. So amazing, that is.

I don’t tell you enough how much I admire your awareness and don’t give you nearly enough credit for it. You do it so unassuming. You’ve passed up on so many “told you so” moments. Which brings me to,

I don’t tell you enough how graceful you are.

I don’t tell you enough how sorry I am that my ignorance has hurt you before, and that I am trying my all to not ever repeat the same mistake twice.

I don’t tell you enough that you are perfectly enough and wonderful just the way you are.

I have never told you how happy and blessed it makes me feel to look back on the last 10 years and see the road we’ve walked. Where we are now, from where we started. I am glad you saw me before I did.

Oh, and I am so looking forward to the next 10, 20, 30, 40… years. No matter where we end up physically, I know that I have a sister that will share them. But I do so hope the universe sees fit to keep us in close proximity – there are so many dances we haven’t had, so many concerts we haven’t heard, so many shows we haven’t seen, so many breakfasts, lunches and dinners that we haven’t had.

I love you,

S